How Can YOU Help?
If someone tells you that they experienced sexual assault or abuse, your response can make a difference. You do not need to have all the answers or know exactly what to say. The most important things you can offer are support, patience, and respect.
Believe Them
Start by taking what they tell you seriously. Avoid suggesting that they are exaggerating, misunderstanding what happened, or somehow responsible for it.
You do not need to investigate their story yourself. Your role is to support them, not determine whether their experience is “serious enough” to deserve help.
You can say:
“I believe you.”
“Thank you for telling me.”
“What happened was not your fault.”
Don't Interrogate
Avoid asking questions that sound like an investigation. These can make someone feel blamed or questioned.
“Why didn't you leave?”
“Why didn't you tell someone sooner?”
“Are you sure that's what happened?”
“What were you wearing?”
“Why did you go there?”
“Why didn't you fight back?”
If they choose to share details, listen without pressing them for information they do not want to discuss. You do not need every detail to believe someone or support them.
Respect Their Choices
Survivors should have as much control over their next steps as possible. You can ask:
“What do you want to do next?”
They may want to talk to a trusted adult, counselor, healthcare professional, support organization, or another person they trust. They may also need time before deciding what they want to do.
Supporting someone does not mean making every decision for them. You can offer choices, help them find information, or offer to go with them to seek support.
Offer Resources
You can help connect them with people who have the training and experience to provide support. Depending on the situation, this could include:
Instead, you can say:
"If you want help figuring out your options, I can help you find someone to talk to."
However, Safety Comes First
If you believe someone is in immediate danger, involve a trusted adult or emergency professional. Some situations may involve legal requirements for adults to report suspected abuse. You can also offer to help them find a resource rather than expecting them to do everything themselves. Remember: You are a friend or supporter, not a therapist, investigator, or crisis professional. It is okay to ask for help.
Immediate Support
- A trusted parent, guardian, or family member
- A school counselor or other trusted school adult
Professional Care
- A healthcare professional
- A therapist or mental health professional
Specialized Aid
- A sexual assault support organization
- A child protection professional
Don't Pressure Them to Report
Reporting is a personal decision, and survivors may have many reasons for being unsure about it. Avoid saying phrases like "You have to report this" or "If you don't report it, nothing will change."
“I believe you. I'm glad you told me. You don't have to go through this alone.”
What NOT to Do
Even when you have good intentions, certain responses can make someone feel less supported.
Blaming them
Questioning whether they are telling the truth
Pressuring them to share details
Promising to keep information secret when someone's safety is at risk
Confronting the person who caused the harm yourself
Posting about the situation online
Sharing their story with people who do not need to know
Making the situation about your own emotions
You can care deeply about someone without taking control of their situation.
You Don't Have to Have All the Answers
Supporting a survivor does not mean you have to fix what happened. Sometimes the most helpful response is simply:
Your job is not to investigate, decide what happened, or make everything better. Your role is to listen, support, respect their choices, and help them connect with people who can provide further help.