What Is Consent?
A useful way to remember the key parts of consent is the FRIES model:
F
Freely Given
Consent should be given without pressure, manipulation, threats, or fear.
R
Reversible
Anyone can change their mind at any time—even if they previously said yes or have agreed to the same activity before.
I
Informed
A person should have accurate information about what they are agreeing to. Consent cannot be based on deception about an important part of the situation.
E
Enthusiastic
Consent should be something a person genuinely wants to do, rather than something they agree to because they feel pressured or obligated.
S
Specific
Agreeing to one activity does not automatically mean agreeing to another. Consent applies to the specific activity being discussed.
Remember: Consent should be clear, voluntary, and ongoing.
Consent Is NOT
Some situations may look like agreement but do not establish freely given consent.
Silence
Not saying "no" does not automatically mean someone said "yes." Consent should be communicated clearly enough to understand that the person wants to participate.
Fear
Someone who agrees because they are afraid of what might happen if they refuse is not freely consenting.
Freezing
Some people may freeze or become unable to respond when they feel frightened or overwhelmed. A lack of resistance is not the same as consent.
Manipulation
Using someone's emotions, relationship, or circumstances to get them to agree is not freely given consent.
Pressure
Repeatedly asking, begging, or pressuring someone after they have refused does not turn their eventual agreement into freely given consent.
Dating
Being someone's boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner does not automatically mean they have agreed to sexual activity.
Marriage
Being married does not mean someone has permanent permission for sexual activity.
Clothing
A person's clothing or appearance never communicates automatic consent.
Prior Sexual Activity
Agreeing to sexual activity in the past does not mean someone has agreed to it again.
Laws Vary by State
Age-of-consent laws differ across the United States. They may also include additional rules involving age differences, authority figures, and other circumstances. Because these laws can be complicated and change over time, it is better to use official state resources for current information rather than relying on a single list of every state's laws.
Why Do These Laws Exist?
Age-of-consent laws are designed in part to protect young people from sexual exploitation and situations where there may be significant differences in age, power, or authority.
Close-in-Age Exceptions
Some states have close-in-age exceptions, sometimes called "Romeo and Juliet" laws. These provisions may allow certain sexual relationships between people who are close in age under specific circumstances. The requirements and age limits vary by state, so always check the law that applies to your location.
Age of Consent
The age of consent is the age at which a person is legally considered able to consent to sexual activity under a state's laws.
Consent Scenarios
"Is This Consent?"
Understanding consent can sometimes be easier through everyday examples. Ask yourself:
Scenario 1
"I consented to kissing, so that automatically means I consented to sexual activity."
No. Consent to one activity does not automatically mean consent to another. Consent is specific.
Yes, you can change your mind. Consent is reversible and can be withdrawn at any time.
Scenario 2
"I said yes at first, but then I changed my mind."
Scenario 3
"They didn't say no, so I assumed they wanted to."
No. Silence or a lack of resistance should not be treated as automatic consent. Look for clear, voluntary agreement.
That is not freely given consent. Repeated pressure can interfere with a person's ability to make a voluntary choice.
Scenario 4
"They kept asking after I said no, so eventually I said yes."
Scenario 5
"We've done this before, so I assumed they wanted to do it again."
No. Previous sexual activity does not automatically mean someone consents now.
No. Being in a relationship does not create automatic consent. Each person gets to decide what they are comfortable with.
Scenario 6
"We're dating, so I don't need to ask."
Scenario 7
"Someone agreed to send me a private image, so I can share it with other people."
No. Agreeing to send an image to one person does not give permission for that person to share it with others.
Consent is not about finding a reason to interpret someone's behavior as a "yes." It is about making sure everyone involved is freely choosing to participate.
When in doubt, pause and ask.